Inside Straight Solidarity International

When swans attack

2004-05-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Are you lookin at me...

Dont make the mistake of thinking about why they had to kill the chicken

2004-05-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

I could understand why a man who was having sex with a hen might have to try to kill anyone who happened to see them in the act. I could certainly understand why news of this would then cause everyone in town to be less than polite to the aforementioned chicken fucker. I could even understand why a person would have to hang themself after this sort of news spread around town. What confused me for some time was why the townspeople felt the need to kill the chicken.

Upon realizing the answer, I finally understood that there are some things in this world that you are better off not knowing.

Points for persistance...

2004-05-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

but this guy is probably still too stupid to live.

The Drunken Scapegoat of Justice -or- More ev. for my last post

2004-05-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

The will of the people was dealt a crushing blow today. The Supreme Court of Louisiana saw fit to remove District Judge Monty L. Doggett from the bench even though he had been twice elected by his constituency. The Court justified its petty tyranny with accusations that the Judge was a raging alcoholic.

Sure Judge Dogget may have issued arrest warrants when he was too drunk to read them. He may have even sometimes been so intoxicated that court had to be canceled. Hell, he once may have had to be carried out of his courtroom by deputies. But we've all been there at one time or another, have'nt we? The fact remains that the people declared that they thought this man was the best person to administer justice in their district, in spite of being a drooling alcy.

Sounds like the people of New Orleans are a little bit more enlightened about the real value of the justice system. That or just a hell of a lot drunker. I'm thinking just drunker.

A step in the right direction?

2004-05-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

The bustling metropolis of New Martinsville, W.Va, will hold an election this year. This is normal, says you; every two bit berg in the country holds those things every once in a while. Sure, says I; but what makes this particular irrelevant election so relevant is that the people have managed to arrange for an honest contest. The people may vote for the right candidate. The reason; no one will be running. The ballot will be empty.

The current mayor (the write in candidate who was elected in a landlide victory two years ago amidst a flurry of 19 votes) is working to dissolve the towns charter, which seems to annoy people by calling for regular elections. I for one applaud the apathy shown in West Virginia. Perhaps we should try the same system for the presidential elections. Submit an empty ballot. If people want a president, they can use thier brain machines to think of an actual name rather than pulling a lever (or whatever they do in those socialization tools they call election booths). We might end up with President Timberlake that way, but Im not sure that would be worse than Sheriff Bush.

Stranger than fiction update

2004-05-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

Just imagine it; 81 naked Brits flying through the sky.

WARNING: link shows naked Brits flying through the sky! View at your own risk.

Lawyering Tips for the Day -or- In other canine legal news...

2004-05-24T11:31:00.000-07:00

Dont bark at the witnesses.

When appointed counsel for a dog, dont cry wolf.

Maybe the green is appropriate after all

2004-05-19T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Ireland for the weekend so little chance of dealing with template issues anytime soon. Anybody have any ideas on why my template would preview one way and publish another?

Anyway, wish me luck with driving on the wrong side of the street.

Looks like some fucking pothead is screwing with the template again

2004-05-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

Those dipshits at the new blogger, with some small assistance from me, have managed to convert my blog irreparably (at least until I figure out my other webpate editing software enough to convert my saved version) to this freakishly green monstrosity. I must admit I kind of like parts of it though. Just a little too green.

I'm off to Berlin for the weekend so I probably wont have the other links and such back up till Monday. This is not intended as a personal slight to anyone.

Thank you for your cooperation.

-The Management

Update: Well that was easy, but the other formating might require some actual brain thinking, so we'll see how it goes.

Old School

2004-05-14T06:09:00.000-07:00

They finally found the Libary of Alexandria. I wonder if this means someone gets free scientific advancements?

Me learn good

2004-05-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

I'm working with this whole posting of pictures thing, so bare with me if I screw up and post some old porn "by mistake".

I still need to figure how to post pictures in the other sections of the template, but that will have to wait untill I have a new batch of important things to avoid doing.

Morbid war tourism on parade: The site of the Knin Rebellion

2004-05-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Where's Martha Stewart when you need her? Oh yeah... sorry...

In case, like me untill recently, you dont have the foggiest fucking idea as to how the latest of the wars in the Balkans started, here's some background reading.

The picture above is of the first Croatian police station to be taken over by Serb forces, on August 17, 1990. The fun part of the story associated with this site, and the one you dont get unless you read the in depth books or happen to be traveling with someone who works for the defense counsel for Milosovitch, involves lots of alcohol.

This is really not surprising given that much of the society in the region seems to involve lots of alcohol. This is not a slur on the people, the areas natural barren beauty makes it seem totally natural to be putting down vodka before noon. Given their history, I also hesitate to tell them they have a lot to stay sober for. But even in Slovenia, where the GDP is quite respectable, they still dont have a problem with puttin back a little liquor. As a for instance, I will site the old lady I saw taking a quick refresher shot of Jagermeister (straight from the bottle of course) before going into a cave in southern Slovenia.

But back to the war. It seems that the Serb forces that created some of those partially repared bullet holes you see above did quickly take over the police station. They then proceeded to celebrate. They apparently celebrated so prodigiously that the next day when the croation forces arrived to take back their station they found the entire bunch passed out or so hung over they couldnt even put up a fight.

The slighly humorous side of the normally tragic Knin story continues when the ISSI posse rolled through town a few weeks ago. It seems that the police frown on randomn tourists documenting their history of war, and decided to detain us to run a "quick check". We would've gotten away clean if not for the International Criminal Tribunal for former Yugoslavia worker we had with us. His photo came up on file, so we had a nice time explaining what the fuck an ICTY is to the one officer with enough broken english to communicate with us. After we had them pretty convinced we were'nt arms dealers or Serbian special forces looking to plan a new assault, they were nice enough to send us off just in time to watch five randomn guys (I mean just got up from their morning beer at the nearest cafe randomn) and a crane in the middle of the road attempting to position a fully stocked street side kiosk. I'm just glad I'd learned enough from the culture by then to have a flask of vodka on hand.

Beautiful country though...

Worst Idea Ever

2004-05-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

In a recipe for socio-cultural disaster, the Australian government has offered a payoff for all new mothers. At first this idea is kind of cute. The government encouraging citizens to have sex for the sake of the country. But after you get past the fun sex stuff, you realize this is the most bassackwards example of legally sanctioned eugenics ever witnessed by humankind. Population decline is certainly a threat to a nation given modern growth centered economics, but encouraging the stupid to breed with token cash outlays is about as smart as encouraging widespread heroin use in order to prevent violent crime. I am appalled that a nation would decide to create a generation of underprivileged children rather than simply adopt a rational immigration policy. By cutting itself off from the benefits of brain drain while at the same time encouraging those who think $2,100 is enough justification to have a child to breed, Australia is setting itself up to slip into relative economic obscurity; or go to war.

I hate to let my pessimism over the recent Iraq developments slip into other international affairs, but the world is so fucked....

Torture a-go-go

2004-05-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

Anyone who wants some hard data on the abuse of Iraqi prisoners and connections all the way up the chain of command (that means you Ranja) needs to go check out Defensetech's coverage on the issue here and here.

The Dukes of Deutsche?

2004-05-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

So why did I have to go to Slovenia to find out that there was a second Dukes of Hazard Reunion Movie (let alone a first Dukes of Hazard Reunion Movie)? Probably because it sucked. I couldnt understand exactly what was being said (it being dubbed over in german and all), but it couldnt have been enough to compensate for the aura of cheese that surrounded the picture. It was shocking to see the General Lee being chased by Rosco P. Coletrain (in a big ole pickup) in a modern city. The only thing that made this somewhat nostalgic was the fact that Bo and Luke (and everyone else) were actually played by the originals.

On the plus side; I am happy to report that Daisy is still doing well (although she has wisely moved to a leather bodysuit, rather than the good ole short shorts).

Back from the Balkans

2004-05-05T13:43:00.000-07:00

Just got back from touring Slovenia, Croatia, and Bosnia (the reason for my extreme non-posting last week). Whill fill you in on all the details as soon as I get rid of the funk I found in my room apon my return. Pretty low key; only detained by Croatian police once.

Update: Thanks to ober for pointing out my ignorance of world geography. Me learn good now.

My Evil Plan

2004-04-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

I dont give advice on whether anyone else should become evil, but in case you do decide to become evil, this is just the site to get you started. Youd be amazing how easy it is to formulate a really sinister plan just like this one.

Congratulations on being the creator of a new Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Love (Yes, it works)

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first clone a pope. This will cause the world to sense a grave disturbance in the force, horrified by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good as an intelligence transferred into a computer?

Stage Two

Next, you must desecrate the White House. This will all be done from a space station, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will gibber like madmen, as countless hordes of mean english teachers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must send forth your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about an end to sanity. Your name shall become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, and no man will ever again dare sabotage your music career. Everyone will bow before your unbreakable will, and the world will have no choice but to pray to you for enlightenment.

Well I feel Safer

2004-04-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

The great and powerful Asscroft has acted to crush the online piracy threat by "moving aggressively" to seize computers from schools and homes all over the world (a whopping 200 searches, I'm quaking in my boots). Take that, fun. Maybe these terrafyin kids will learn to be motivated by greed next time.

Bargain Bombs Next Big Thing in Cost Conscious Killing

2004-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

They launch from conventional systems, can linger for hours in the target zone, carry a 200lb terra busting punch, and now are one hell of bargain to boot! I'm not sure how any sane person would be without this miracle of modern technology. Put me down for three.

Cosmic Irony

2004-04-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

In recent silly Christians news, a minister died after refusing treatment for a snake bite sustained during his service.

Apparently the snake handlers arent the only geniuses in town. According to the sheriff, Gary Parsons, "We don't anticipate any charges," he said. "That's their belief." Now I recognize that there is no duty to assist, but the my beliefs say its ok to recklessly disregard the death of others thing is new to me.

I also cant help but wonder at our country, where secular assisted suicide is illegal, but religious snake handling is fully sanctioned by the government. I'm not saying we should shut down the snake handlers, as they provide a needed death check on population growth, but I do think that atheists should be able to get help in their voluntary soul evacuation as easily as the christians.

State-building bloopers: Adding insult and imprisonment to nation crushing injury

2004-04-21T05:55:00.000-07:00

In a fine example of stranger than fiction dramedy, this story first had me laughing:

"Afghanistan has disbanded its national soccer team after nine players disappeared from a training camp in Italy last week, an official says."

The visual picture of nine afghan gentlemen getting off the plane, looking around, and then just fucking darting for freedom had me chuckling; untill I read the next sentence.

"Six of the players have been arrested in Germany, where they sought asylum, and Italy has promised to hand them over to Afghan authorities soon, the official said, adding they would be punished for "damaging Afghans' honour"."

You've got to love it. These folks are going to be punished simply for trying to get the hell out of a munitions dump of a country. The Afghan representative was clear that "we will punish them 100 percent when they return, after consulting the police and the court." Oh, thats great. So at least our puppet "democracy" is willing to "consult" the court before handing out unjustified political punishment in violation of any number of human rights. That makes me feel a whole lot better about the situation.

Truth, in cartoon form.

2004-04-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

Live the cartoon. It will protect you from evil. (via lawgeek and Megatokyo)

War Crimes?

2004-04-17T02:51:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to throw this accusation around lightly. I've been hearing this a lot on the Iraqi blogs, which you will soon see on my sidebar (and if you find any that I dont have, let me know). I've also had major doubts as to the accuracy of most of the blogs from inside Iraq. Most have fairly obvious political ties, and most seem to present a picture of war that is almost too dramatic, too like a war movie. In particular the stories of the large numbers of civilian deaths in Falujah and the accounts of major burn deaths just seemed contrived. But this msnbc story, started to make me rethink my position.

The relevant quote:

"But fighting continued. A U.S. F-16 warplane dropped a 2,000-pound bomb in northern Fallujah during the day Friday, destroying a building where gunmen had been seen, Marines said. The giant blast sent up a huge spray of dirt and smoke that clouded an entire neighborhood."

Another story, and the one that could be a potential war crime is the story of US snipers taking out ambulances on the way to hospitals. This story had been carried heavily here, here, and here. Even so I was sceptical of the US taking out ambulances. But this AP article seems to provide independent confirmation, albeit through circumstancial evidence.

The relevant quote:

"In the Fallujah negotiations, the U.S. military agreed to reposition troops to give residents better access to the city's hospital. But U.S. negotiators were pressing the Fallujah leaders to get insurgents to abide by a cease-fire."

Reposition troops how? You mean my ordering the snipers to stand down?

I will have to read the Iraqi news direct sources with some more credibility.

OKR coopted? Last seen whistling while walking path to regulatory hell.

2004-04-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

In a move that would likely make P.J. turn in his grave, I've decided to take a brief position with uncle sugar. The folks down at NASA (the Office of General Counsel in D.C.) have agreed to take me on for a few months after my program here. I doubt it turns permanent, but I'm still kind of jazzed at the idea. Being a total space geek, this is pretty much what I'm going for, so we shall see if I cant work it into a way to actually get paid to practice space law over the long term.

In association with getting the Europeans to select an american and a romanian to represent them at the world space moot competition in van couver, I'd say this european thing is working out ok. Even so, I'm glad I'll be leaving soon for civilization.

To be governed...

2004-04-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

"To be GOVERNED is to be watched, inspected, spied upon, directed,
law-driven, numbered, regulated, enrolled, indoctrinated, preached
at, controlled, checked, estimated, valued, censured, commanded,
by creatures who have neither the right nor the wisdom nor the
virtue to do so. To be GOVERNED is to be at every operation, at every
transaction noted, registered, counted, taxed, stamped, measured,
numbered, assessed, licensed, authorized, admonished, prevented,
forbidden, reformed, corrected, punished. It is, under pretext of
public utility, and in the name of the general interest, to be placed
under contribution, drilled, fleeced, exploited, monopolized, extorted
from, squeezed, hoaxed, robbed; then at the slightest resistance, the
first word of complaint, to be repressed, fined, vilified, harrassed,
hunted down, abused, clubbed, disarmed, bound, choked, imprisoned,
judged, condemned, shot, deported, sacrificed, sold, betrayed, and to
crown all, mocked, ridiculed, derided, outraged, dishonored. That is
government; that is its justice; that is its morality."

P. J. Proudhon, General Idea of the Revolution in the Nineteenth Century

This is a golden oldie from back in my debate days. Apart from being damned on point, it is amazingly fun to read really fast.

Russian supervillain threatens Palm Springs with earthquake

2004-04-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, he's not a supervillain (that we know of), and he's really more warning than threatening (or so he says), but he is Russian (living in california) and he does seem kinda sinister given that he works with chaos theory in order to "predict" earthquakes.

Even if he isnt an evil genius, it is still quite noteworthy that he seems to be able to accurately predict earthquakes. This might be the lawyer training rearing its ugly head, but I would hate to have to get an insurance policy in Palm Springs right about now.

Santa streamlining leads to elf layoffs

2004-04-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

No really. This one is straight out of the stranger than fiction files (via oddly enough).

I wonder whether it was overseas competition that forced the layoffs? Damned cheap chinese elf labor.

Bush makes three mistakes while trying to think of one

2004-04-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently Bush made three factual errors during his attempt to dodge citing a single mistake made since 9/11.

"The president misspoke and we just want to correct the record," explained White House spokesman Scott McClellan

Best Idea Ever

2004-04-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

There may soon be a sport worthy of taking up where the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling left off all those years ago; Lingerie Football!

The four teams making up the planned LFL are the Los Angeles Dream, the New York Euphoria, the Dallas Desire and the Chicago Bliss.

I think that says it all.

Simpsons stars strike for more D'oh

2004-04-14T02:08:00.000-07:00

Although the writer of this story has probably never seen the Simpsons, it is still relevant. I remember the evolution of Smithers early on; it would not be pretty to have a whole new cast at this point.

On a more positive note, congrats to the Simpsons for beating Ozzie and Harriet as the longest running weekly comedy series on american television (we all know SNL isnt really comedy). I just wish I didnt also now know that the proceeds from the Simpsons go to straight to newscorp and Rupert (Hank Scorpio) Murdock .

Of Budgets and Boners

2004-04-12T17:49:00.000-07:00

Geekpress turned us on to these juicy tidbits of virtual thought candy.

Think your part of the 80% of america who could run the fed better than bush? Prove it.

This informative and potentially hugely important simulator allows you to try your hand at balancing the Federal budget. It's got all the flare of the original Oregon Trail game, but this is engaging enough to potentially get younger people (and older people) interested and at least marginally informed as to the process of budget making. It needs a political impact analysis of the choices you make, but it is a start. Now that I think about it, this is only the first simulator to actively mimic the US budget.. Civilization III and the later SimCity games had some pretty in depth budget options. It would be interesting to rig up the options on this sim to the civ or sim engines to see how it would turn out. This would also allow the option of calling up a UFO strike on Washington.
"... and I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords."--Kent Brockman

In seemingly unrelated news, the brits have decided it is wise to hold an oh so scientific televised sperm race, with a corresponding analysis of the erect penis sizes of the participants.

Yuri's Day, and Night

2004-04-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

Props to the Russian's on this, the 43rd anniversary of the day humanity (or at least Yuri Gagarin) first escaped the clutches of mother Earth and experienced the freedom of space (albeit in a very small capsule).

What you say, you havent made plans for this cosmic celebration? Fear not. There is almost certainly a Yuri's night party happening in a city near you.

If you cant (or simply havent the slightest inclination to) make it out to a mass celebration, this is the perfect day to throw off whatever temporary/permanent drinking ban you are under and lift a big ole glass of vodka for our courageous spacefaring comrades, and Yuri in particular.

Za vashe zdorovye!

Nationalistic Alternative: This is also the twenty third anniversary of the day that the US first launched a space shuttle, Columbia, into space. So the Russians got there first, but we have the coolest ride, even if it is radically expensive and in the shop at the moment. So raise a glass of something american in celebration, and memorial, of Columbia. She was a good old girl.

Privacy, we hardly knew Ye...

2004-04-11T22:20:00.000-07:00

According to FCC mandate, virtually all cellphones will soon be equipped as personal trackers for the fed. This is ostensibly a move to promote 911 response (or more likely track down prank 911 callers, since they wont be adding to the response force which currently cant get to you in time even if they know where you are) but it also sets up one hell of a system for the tracking of most people in the country.

From another angle, I am hardly excited about the idea that people I know (or dont know) may soon be able to track my movements through a commercial service. Hell, by the time this is up and running they may be able to order video from satellites. We should have .1 meter commercial resolution within 5 years (virtually certainly within 10). I presume the service will start out as a way for parents to check on thier kids, from there....

Course this may not be all bad, privacy is a myth that only really flourished during the twentieth century. These new developments in tracking and remote sensing just highlight the fact that we are in fact being watched at virtually all times. As I have said before, next time you go outside, remember to wave at the nice satellites watching you. Now you just need to remember that even when you cell is turned off, it still is sending out occasional signals that can be used to track your location.

One tip, if you are going to rob a bank, leave the cellphone at home. (and in a tangentially unrelated matter, check out this story for a novel approach to money laundering)

Bestiality Reaches New Level --or-- Sexing Shamu

2004-04-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

You gotta wonder what possible explanation the worker in this picture could have for being in this position. The plastic bag he's holding hints at a most troubling job description.

If you are less into inter-species mixing, scroll down for more "traditional" hard core cetacean action.

Easter Bunny's Delight

2004-04-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

With all the horror circulating these last days, its important to sit back and have a good laugh now and then. This should do the trick.

Surrounding the Truth of the Iraqi conflict

2004-04-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

It might just be the multiple personalities fighting in my head, but I dont think truth can be described from one perspective. Heres an attempt to lay out multiple perspectives on the fighting in Iraq.

Raed in the Middle: See "Worth Reading" below for more details on this blog.

Where is Raed?: Lite blogging these days, but background on events as seen from Iraq and links to other blogs from inside Iraq.

Iraq the Model: Iraqi citizen who seems really jazzed to have us there.

Baghdad Burning: Blogging from the battlespace. Read "Occupation Day". Eye opening stuff.

Healing Iraq: Daily news and comments on the situation in post Saddam Iraq by an Iraqi dentist

PPT Patti: A servicewomans significant other posts with daily news and more. Insight into morale in the forces and their connections back home.

Trying to Grok: Issues with conscious laserbeam focus on the party line, but certainly a different perspective.

Iraq War News: Warblogger, but a good place to get a collection of recent news stories.

Intel Dump: For all your armchair tactical advice needs.

Juan Cole: Seems pretty informed, and moderately balanced.

The Command Post: More warblogger fun, but also lots of news.

A Big Day in Pig News

2004-04-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

So for some reason there was a disturbing amount of pig related psuedo-news on the web today. The major headlines:

Authorities Finally Catch Rampaging Pig

Pigs trot to fame in The Great Escape (note this is unrelated to the above pig rampage)

And pigs really do fly at Easter

If you have any data on pig related conspiracies that might be imminatizing the eschalon anytime soon, let me know.

Mommy, why are they whipping the Easter Bunny?

2004-04-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

Silly Christians, will they never learn?

Ghetto Poetry in Outer Space --or-- Droppin Science

2004-04-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

In a long overdue move to get inner city kids interested in the space program, legends of hip-hop KRS-One and Chuck D, along with others, are holding a conference at NASA promoting math, science, comin up, and stayin on top.

Worth Reading

2004-04-09T10:45:00.000-07:00

Check this blog out for the trully inside dope on the Iraqi occupation.

Heres part of a short bio of the author courtesy of the Guerrilla news network:

"Jarrar is a 20-something Palestinian-Iraq architect who is best known to the world as one half of the famous Baghdad Blogger team. Shortly before the March 2003 invasion his best friend starting writing a blog called "Where's Raed?" under the pseudonym Salam Pax. At the time, it was the only uncensored reporting coming out of Baghdad. Raed began writing for the blog after the end of "major combat," offering a more jaundiced take on the American arrival than Salam, who seemed to be looking forward to the personal freedoms that an American invasion might bring.
Jarrar also started a small NGO that has completed more than 100 small reconstruction projects. Following his personal mantra, "democracy cannot come from outside," he became a mini-Soros, building bridges for $60 that Bechtel would charge thousands.
snip
As GNN's Anthony Lappé has been writing last week, forget Fallujah. That is the old war. The new one has just started, and there may be nothing the Americans, the British or their Salvadorans amigos can do to keep the country from tearing apart.
Recently, Jarrar left "Where's Raed?" and can now be found on his own blog called "Raed in the Middle." Read it and you'll understand why we think Raed in the future of Iraq."

A few snips from Raed:

"More attacks will happen against the Japanese army and people, as I predicted yesterday. Everyone knows that little pressure on the Japanese army or killing some soldiers is going to destroy the Japanese government… and lead to the withdrawal of their forces."

"The Three Smart Political Steps of the Day:

Uno) AsSadr announced that this uprising is the choice of the Iraqi people, he didn’t ask anyone to fight.
I know he is lying, he knows that he is lying…
But that was a smart political thing to do though.
He preferred to leave the opportunity of representing himself as a public leader, but gave more opportunities for other political and religious parties to join the uprising.

Dos) AsSadr started a compassion campaign for the people in Falluja, which had a good response from the majority of Iraqis. This ended the Sunni-Shia tension.

Tres) AsSadr launched his first regional affairs message, he sent an open message to the Kuwaiti people to start putting more pressure on their government, “It is the responsibility of the Kuwaiti people to help us free both our counties from the big devil”.

The Sunni-Shia reconciliation gave the uprising people another boost, and the speeches of Sistani and Baghdadi showed sympathy with AsSadr.

Now, the two unhappy campers are the governing council and the Kurds. The soft GC is the easiest target to attack and blame for the situation. The Kurds are not very comfortable with the anti-occupation alliance which could threaten their plans."

"When I see the gradual evolution of the Jordanian community, and compare it with the Iraqi one, I feel really sad. The culture and behavior of the citizens of Amman (the capital of Jordan) went through a very gradual and comfortable period of changing, they joined the global village without explosions. Now you can find girls with pierces, tattoos, and red hair sitting in the same place with a religious Sheikh with long beard. People learned how to accept the other, and how to keep their national trend too. It doesn’t mean at all that I LOVE the lifestyle of Amman, but it is a good example of how can a community go some steps ahead and join the international regime without exploding OR imploding.

The case of Iraq is different; people feel that their personality, history and culture are being attacked. Everyone is defensive now, “they destroyed our museums, they want to delete our history”, “they are increasing prostitution and trafficking, this is against our religion”, “we don’t want Jewish people to come to our country”, “they are killing the Iraqi scientists”, you can hear dozens of those statements that are mere illusions most of the time, but the point is that a defensive community cannot be a friendly one. Attacking Iraq made people more conservative and self-protective.

All of these military steps that Bremer is taking now remind Iraqis of the Palestinian crisis, everything related to mass-public punishment will not give good results. Falluja under the siege is the wrong thing to happen, bombing Shia residential areas is the wrong signal to give, and saying lies in public is killing the hope that the CPA would be credible ever."

"I am criticizing without giving answers, because the time of giving suggestions has not come yet."

Its worse than I thought

2004-04-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

Check out this article if you are interested in the largest private army in the world, the one being purchased with US cash by the Iraqi Provisional Authority. Heres the highlights:

"There are about 20,000 private security contractors in Iraq now, including Americans, Iraqis and other foreigners. That number is expected to grow to 30,000 in the near future when the U.S. troop presence is drawn down after the July 1 handover to Iraqi authorities."
snip
"The Bremer detail, said Peter W. Singer, a private military expert at the Brookings Institution, illustrates the extent to which the military is breaking new ground, even amending its long-held doctrine that the "U.S. military does not turn over mission-critical functions to private contractors," Singer said. "And you don't put contractors in positions where they need to carry weapons. . . . A private armed contractor now has the job of keeping Paul Bremer alive — it can't get much more mission-critical than that."

Some Defense Department officials are concerned that private commandos are not subject to adequate oversight. There is no government vetting of contract workers who carry weapons. "The CPA has let all kinds of contracts to all kinds of people," said one senior Defense Department official who asked not to be named because of the sensitivity of the subject. "It's blindsided us."
snip
"The firms, stunned by the casualties they suffered this week and by the lack of a military response, have begun banding together to share their own operations-center telephone numbers and tips on threats, as well as to organize ways to rescue one another in a crisis"
snip
"Each private firm amounts to an individual battalion," said one U.S. government official familiar with the developments. "Now they are all coming together to build the largest security organization in the world."

Several problems here:

These folks are being hung out to dry by the US military. They may make more than US soldiers, but these people are being forced to fight the madness inspired by the US military without its extensive assistance. They will either be chopped to bits little by little (but that probably wont matter since there are 20 thousand of them) or they will get really good at coordinating strikes. So we either end up with a shitstorm of US casualties, or one hell of a private army, just waiting to sell itself to the highest bidder.

A much more logical plan would have called for hiring persons of muslim decent or who at least did not look like the americans, but that would have caused an even bigger problem in terms of a mercenary perception problem from the US side and would have meant that non-US firms might have been hired. So the US led IPA is willing to sacrifice the effectiveness of its security force in order to ensure that US contracting money goes back to US sources. As a caveat, the story does indicate some Iraqi and "other foreignor" hirings, but the only firms mentioned are US and European, and all the mentioned "commandos" are from ex-military or law enforcement in the US (or presumably Europe). It may be that they are just playing down the thousands of local mercenaries, but this is not yet clear.

Or even better, how bout they actually get Iraqi citizens to police the Iraqis? They are supposed to be ruling themselves. This is not Japan, or even Germany, the people will not go along with indignaties just to appease their leadership. If the Iraqi people are not capable of creating a domestic police force, they are not ready for self rule and need the UN to step in and defuse/distract the anti-US tension. I have great faith that under the right conditions they could rule themsleves, but there is going to be some instability before that happens, and a private army of US soldiers acting as "police" will in no way increase the stability of Iraq, the region, or the world. Bush is dreaming a dangerous dream if he thinks that he can buy stability through the elections and avoid the perception of troop increases with mercenaries.

A Cure for Ranja's Blackjack Woes?

2004-04-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

According to the Arizona Daily Star, "Some Tucson casino gamblers who don't know when to quit are trying a new tactic: banning themselves from all casinos in Arizona.

A year-old state law allows people to ask casinos to help prevent them from gambling. Violating a "self-exclusion" contract means casinos refuse to pay winnings, kick out banned gamblers, or even arrest them for trespassing.

A total of 380 Arizona residents, including 42 in the Tucson area, have elected to ban themselves since the policy began about a year ago . . . .

The Tohono O'odham Gaming Authority, which operates the Desert Diamond casinos in the Tucson area, has expelled three or four gamblers for violating self-imposed bans this year, according to Joe Calabrese, CEO of the gaming authority. . . .

People can choose to be banned for one, five or 10 years.

Once enacted, the ban cannot be undone, even if the person has a change of heart, Severns said. . . .

A 200-person study in Canada found that about a third of people abstained from all gambling during their self-imposed ban, while more than half switched to lotteries or other wagering. . . ."

Props to Volock's Conspiracy for this stolen gem

I'm Cancer-proof!

2004-04-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

This study by reputable scienticians kinda says a strict regime of sex and masturbation may actually save your life. God bless science.

Mercs for Freedom --or-- Commando 2004

2004-04-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

Brilliant guy that I am, it took this to drive it home to me that the mercs Kos so unflateringly refered to were in fact mercenaries. In fact, the US is employing thousands of hired "security guards" to keep the peace in Iraq. The really smart thing is that they are working directly for the Provisional Authority, so they will likely be kept in place after the regular troops leave town. So there is a privately funded force of ex-special ops bad-asses just waiting to be employed by the highest bidder. Sounds stable to me.

But the moral of the linked story, and one that is worth pointing out, is that the Blackwater commandos people are in fact bad-asses. Although four of them were jumped and horribly mutilated in a very telling show of retribution in Falujah a few days ago, it seems that yesterday a like number held off hundreds of attacking Iraqi's from a Provision Authority outpost(what this means is anyones guess, but it sounds like the action was in fact heavy on both sides in terms of firepower) for several hours until the Army regulars finally arrived to back them up. Cant say it sounds like a great idea to give well paid field training to more private forces in the middle east, but I guess if you want something done right, you gotta get good people.

Blackwater Security Consulting: A Bio

"Blackwater Security Consulting is a strategic division of Blackwater USA. Blackwater USA has historically provided a spectrum of support to military, government agencies, law enforcement and civilian entities in training, targets and range operations as a solution provider. Blackwater Security Consulting has it roots in the Special Operations community and continues to sustain the skills that have been acquired over the years as effective tools that will support both national and commercial objectives. Our staff has a wealth of exceptional experience worldwide and is renowned for dealing with high-risk situations and complex operations. Our mission is to provide the client with veteran military, intelligence and law enforcement professionals with demonstrated field operations performance tempered with mature experience in both foreign and domestic requirements. We employ only the most highly motivated and professional operators, all drawn from various U.S. and international Special Operations Forces, Intelligence and Law Enforcement organizations. We focus on physical and personal security, personal security/risk and assessments, and training.

With a growing base of satisfied customers, we will continue to enhance our reputation of responsiveness, professionalism, and excellence. We stand ready to offer this exceptional and talented group of men and women to assist you in meeting organizational requirements."

Sound like just the guys to teach peacefulness and cooperation to our friends in the Middle East. Were sure to see respect for the new system any day now.

Got Marshmellows? --or-- Exorcist Anyone?

2004-04-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

“Someone wrote to us saying the solution was to sacrifice a black goat and collect its blood. At some point, that’s going to start looking like a good idea.”
---Mayor of Canneto Di Caronia, Sicily

Find out why scientists and polititicians in Italy are starting to get a little desperate here.

Its Official

2004-04-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

Size does matter.

In related science news, "[w]hat counts is which sperm get into the female's egg." This gem of knowledge is provided by Matthew Gage of the University of East Anglia, UK, an expert on sexual competition.

Warning: If you read all the way to the bottom of the original story you will be informed as to the meaning of a broken baculum. You dont want to know.

I am not the Love Child of Ghandi....

2004-04-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

Even the Simpsons are being outsourced to India!

(mad props to geekpress and Joost Bonson of the inactive link)

To replace the normal colonic flora --or-- Its all in the name

2004-04-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

Heres another one for the stranger than fiction files:

In the fight against disease we have seen many less than dignified treatments, but the human feces transplant has got to take the oh so disgusting cake. It appears that taking antibiotics can kill the good bacteria in our shit that apparently protects us from the bad bacteria in our shit that would invade our colon and wreak untold havoc therein. The unfortunate treatment for this; eating "normal, healthy" shit (usually from a "loved one").

OK, so they dont actually eat it. No, instead they pipe it in through the nose or mouth into the stomach. I'm sure that makes the process much more palatable.

Oh, and just in case you have any doubts as to the truth of this story, the original author was good enough to ask the doctor who recently wrote a paper describing the technique (which has been used for years with great success) a few tough questions.

"Me: Doctor, on behalf of my readers, I need to ask you, am I making you up?

Dr. Aas: No.

Me: You exist, and I am talking to you?

Dr. Aas: Yes.

Me: How do you pronounce your name?

Dr. Aas: Oze. I am Danish.

Me: Okay. You understand why I am calling you, right?

Dr. Aas: Oh yes. You wouldn't believe the [flora] I have taken from colleagues since publishing that paper.

Me: Yes, I would. Well, I want to thank you for taking the time to speak to me today. As far as I am concerned, if this column saves just one life, if it eases the burden of one victim, then my work here will have been vindicated."

(note: Me is not Me, it is some other guy)
credit to geekpress for the tipoff

Kill vehicle; what kill vehicle? Thats just a detection satellite! Move along, nothing to see here....

2004-03-31T06:12:00.000-08:00

While I certainly cant rule out the possibility that the US or the Russians have been doing this for years, the US military has at least finally admitted that it will be sending up a satellite containing a "kill vehicle", or missile, designed for "missile defense" (never mind that a slight alteration in the program makes it a hypersonic bomb virtually incapable of being stopped by ballistic missile defense systems with a strike potential of minutes anywhere on the planet--since we have better bombs earthside for regular rubble bouncing and no real missile defense to avoid in our enemies, there is a pretty good chance this really is primarily "intended" for defensive use).

"Known as the Near Field Infrared Experiment or NFIRE satellite, it is primarily designed to gather data on exhaust plumes from rockets launched from earth.

As a result, military officials say the $68 million item in the 2005 budget is a defensive, rather than offensive project.

But, critics point out, the satellite will also contain a smaller "kill vehicle," a projectile that takes advantage of the kinetic energy of objects traveling through low-Earth orbit (which move at several times the speed of a bullet) to disable or destroy an oncoming missile or another orbiting satellite.

As one senior government official and defense expert, who requested anonymity, said, "We're crossing the Rubicon into space weaponization.""

In the often slow moving world of international law, it is interesting to see the precedent making process sped up a little.

Sound barrier? What sound barrier?

2004-03-31T05:52:00.000-08:00

Props to the good folks down at Dryden and Langley for their recent success in the first ever flight test of a supersonic combustion ramjet (scramjet) engine resulting in independent acceleration of the vehicle (successful tests were done in Australia 2 years ago but the engine there was not the primary propulsion system). The air speed record for a non-rocket powered vehicle is now over Mach 7 (beating the X- 15's record of mach 6.7 set in 1969, and that was rocket powered). I'm personally ambivalent about this in that it does have the potential to be useful in the long term for commercial applications (like 2 hour New York to Tokyo flights), but it is much more likely to be used in mach 10 missiles for the next decade or two. I guess it's time to shift to fully laser/energy weapon based missile defense systems.

For an optimistic take on the relevance of scramjets, check this out. For a more realistic appraisal, look here.

Our Plan Has Succeeded! -or- Fiction, eat your heart out

2004-03-31T05:40:00.000-08:00

Go ahead. Marry your pet. You know you want to.

Full credit to Ober for first breaking the pseudo-story, and ravny for pointing out the "partner priest" who would do the deed.

The Pitch:

"So you've found your partner for life, only thing is - he's an animal. Not just that he leaves hair in the bath and has abominable table manners, but that really he's an animal, i.e. with feathers, scales or whatnot. But forget his facial hair. So what if he has an overabundance of legs, or must hibernate each winter? All that matters is that you adore him. So go on, if you really love him and you're in this for life, isn't it time you married your pet?"

But note the disclaimer:

"Although we are happy to marry you, we cannot guarantee that you will happy. MarryYourPet is in no way responsible for anything nasty occurring. If your marriage breaks down or he wees on your best rug, it's entirely your own problem."

Night of the Living Lobsters

2004-03-19T05:19:00.000-08:00

I as far as I am aware, they are not planning a dawn of the dead/attack of the killer tomatoes-esque production involving zombie lobsters, yet.... However, as usual, truth is stranger than fiction. The Trufresh corporation has declared that it has evidence that lobsters can return to life after being frozen for substantial lengths of time. Apparently about 12 out of 200 lobsters frozen to 40 below zero "returned to life" after being thawed. As far as I know, the zombie lobsters do not crave human flesh, and there is no indication that zombie lobsters are any more likely to attack unwary diners than the more sedate boiled variety. In fact, the zombie lobsters are apparently quite tasty. In the words of an imaginary Trufresh official, "you cant get much fresher than undead." I will keep you posted on the zombie lobster threat as information becomes available.

I dont even want to think about the wedding night...

2004-03-19T05:09:00.000-08:00

In a rather bizarre addition to the recent string of events showing a more progressive notion of marriage (or a recent spat of insanity in India), a young man in India has married his grandmother.

"The grandmother, her back bent with age, says she is "happy" with her young husband whom she married in a traditional Hindu ceremony near Panchpara, a village 100 miles west of Calcutta. Her first husband died more than 30 years ago.

"I helped bring him up with my own hands and now he looks after me. He is a good husband and ensures I get my meals on time," said Premodas Biswas, a red vermilion streak on her forehead, the mark of a married Hindu woman.

Local officials say marrying a blood relation is illegal under the Hindu Marriage Act, but they have no plans to take action against the couple. "There has been no complaint against them and they are living as husband and wife after a temple ceremony. Their own family has accepted them so we have no plans to act as of now," Dilip Das, a local government official, told Reuters."

Even better, in a move that debunks the link between same sex marriages and goat marrying, "last June a nine-year-old Indian girl was married to a dog near Calcutta after a priest told her parents the wedding would ward off evil."

Wow

2004-03-17T17:58:00.000-08:00

I really cant come up with any more informative reaction to these statistics than the above comment.

Heres a snip:

"only 15 percent said that the Americans should leave immediately.

And that's the good news for the Coalition Provisional Authority, which has the task of setting up a credible administration in Iraq. The bad news is that it's the second-most hated institution in Iraq behind the coalition military forces.

After working feverishly to help plant the seeds of democracy and restore essential services, the CPA received a vote of "high confidence" from only 8 percent of Iraq's population. Thirty-five percent of the population says it has absolutely no confidence in the CPA. The coalition forces -- after providing security and stability to the Iraqis for a full year, not to mention having actually supplied the liberation themselves -- also received an 8 percent margin of support, with a whopping "no confidence" vote of 45 percent. Almost the same number of Iraqis who still support the American invasion, when asked how much confidence they have in the coalition forces voted "none."

The 25 Iraqis from every major ethnic and religious group who sit on the U.S.-appointed Governing Council fare almost as poorly.

Twelve percent of Iraqis have a lot confidence in them to develop a democratic Iraq, while more than 25 percent say they have no confidence in the interim leaders of the country. In a rich bit of irony, Saddam Hussein, world-class tyrant, actually polls in the top six politicians in Iraq. Compare that to a man many in Washington had hoped would run the country, Ahmed Chalabi, who did not show at all on the list.

And although only 20 percent of Iraq wants an Islamic state, 42 percent of the population has a high degree of confidence in their religious leaders, by far the highest of any institution in Iraq."

Media Functions as "Terrorist" Spin Mechanism

2004-03-17T05:47:00.000-08:00

The more I read that the elections results in Spain signal a terrorist victory over the populous, the more disappointed I become with the media. But this is not because they have the gaul to break solidarity by declaring that the terrorists have won. I am disappointed because the media seems to have just plain missed the fact that the only thing the terrorists did was choose the right forum in which to bring their claim. I know the metaphor is strained, and may be downright insulting to some, but I only intend to make a point about the strategic use of force that is being applied. In any movement to create social change, the best way to ensure victory is to choose the right forum in which to voice your dispute. Preferably, this forum should be one where you know your cause will be popular. If you look at the example of the civil rights movement and the legal battle for de-segregation, there was an explicit strategy to bring suits where the judge would be favorable and the case was strong. The terrorists have merely taken that same logic and acted on it using their chosen methods (which I have to note are functionally inefficient and aesthetically horrifying).

The Spanish people have always been strongly against participating in the "war on terror". 90% of the public opposed the governments decision to assist the US in Iraq. You have to remember that people of muslim decent are everywhere in spain and france, and are valued contributors to society in a way that they have not yet assumed in the US. There are even television commercials promoting tourism, solidarity with the islamic world, and opposition to the US war in Iraq. Whatever terrorist organization is responsible for the bombings merely played on the public opinion that they knew already existed. They did not shake anti-terror solidarity, they merely exposed the unpopularity of the existing governments policy of assisting the US in nation-destroying/building. The terrorists may have won perceptual points for strategic thinking, but they certainly have not shown that they can shift public opinion in ways that the public does not already want to go. They didnt even show that they can influence an election. The conservative party was "predicted to win", but even before the bombings the margins of victory were a matter of a few percentage points. There was no clear predicted winner going into the bombings. Arguing that the terrorists controled the elections ignores the reality of the situation in Spain.

Furthermore, the only reason this could be a problem in the US is if the media and the public continue to buy into the dark jedi mind trick being employed by "the terrorists". I hate to say it but the democrats are just as guilty as the repubs in this one, if not more so. Politicians on both sides are much too interested in using the terror attacks for their own causes to realize that what they are doing is giving "the terrorists" power to influence decisions. Fuck fear and fuck terror, how about we try using some sense for a change. The terrorists did not control the election in Spain. The people who voted controled the election there, and will do the same here. If we actually give the people the relevant information with a minimum of applied spin, there will be no problem of "terrorist influence on elections", any more than there will be problems with republican or democrat influence on elections. Which is to say that there will be some influence, but only such as the public wants. This is what we call democracy, for better or for worse.

Update: Seems I'm not the only one to come to these conclusions. Check out this article for more rational info on the Spanish election.

So a drunk nun gets in a big rig...

2004-03-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

"A Polish Benedictine nun is facing jail for driving a tractor into a car while drunk outside her convent in southwestern Poland, police said on Friday. The 45-year-old nun will be charged with drunk-driving and causing an accident, which carries a prison sentence of up to two years, Dariusz Waluch, police spokesman in the southwestern Polish town of Dzierzoniow, told local news agency PAP. He said the nun was 17 times over the country's legal alcohol limit for driving." WARSAW (Reuters by way of yahoo)

Lesson for the Day: Dont fuck with Amish snack cakes

2004-03-15T14:31:00.000-08:00

"The string of charges involved meth, trespassing and fraud, but it was the snatching of Hostess Ho Hos and Crumb Cakes that nabbed the suspect. Robert Lee McKiernan, 35, of Cedar Rapids, was arrested Tuesday after an incident in which authorities say he stole a box of Hostess Ho Hos and a box of Cinnamon Crumb Cakes from a barn at an Amish farm near Hazleton, in northeast Iowa. ... Deputies found the stolen snack cakes in the car along with materials used to make methamphetamine, the sheriff's office said. McKiernan was charged with possession of meth ingredients, burglary, theft, criminal trespass, driving while barred, driving under suspension, driving without insurance and fraudulent vehicle registration."

What I want to know is why the Amish dude had his snack cakes stashed in the barn? Sounds sinful to me.

Full story also via SF

Splash: Redux

2004-03-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

""The sea lion was just swimming around the boat like they do always when the boats are delivering fish," Ray Sr. said. And just like that, the creature -- estimated about 12 feet long and between 1,200 and 1,500 pounds -- leaped a half dozen or more feet out of the water and grabbed his son.

"He went over like a rag doll," the father told the Anchorage Daily News. "The only thing I was thinking is, that sea lion was taking off with my boy, and I'll never see him again.""

Check out the rest for a good unabashed laugh at the expense of others. You know you want to.

Courtesy of SFGate (who I believe we will be seeing again).

"It may not be the political thing to do, but it is the right thing to do."

2004-03-08T20:19:00.000-08:00

The mayor of San Fransisco had it right. Same sex marriage is something that is should be guaranteed under the Constitution. More soon. In the mean time check this out if you arent too scared of altering your notion of a gendered soul in spiritual union under jebus.

Martha Stewart and the Faked Death of Corporate Greed

2004-03-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

So there's at least a couple of angles on this one.

The first is the vehemence of prosecution. Martha is the bush/ashcroft justice department's long delayed answer to enron. The only way that they could overwhelm the public perception of unrestrainted corporate misconduct was to take down the most public corporate figure they could find. I have to admit it almost worked on me. I was kind of happy when I saw that the epitome of drunken bitchy wasphood had finally gotten convicted (and by a majority female jury no less). The online news coverage was oh so detailed on the white collar crime nature of it all. It looked like the justice department was finally cracking down on those corporate crooks that normally evade justice; even the most famous of them all. It took me a few seconds before my backup bullshit detectors caught the discrepency in the coverage. Martha stewart is not the problem of white collar crime. Her insider deal saved her all of a whopping $51,000 (out of a total sale of 228,000). Martha Stewart is the smoke and mirrors designed to distract us from the real problem of white collar crime, the Bush administration (ok, that is a little cheap, but they are certainly more central to the issue than martha fucking stewart).

The second angle is the fact that if Simpson had the dreamteam, Marthas team was just a nightmare. The prosecution's case was pretty tight. They had all the sexy white collar crime angles at just the right time. The insider trading, the cozy broker relations with the privileged client, the doctored documents; it was perfect. The prosecution could make out martha as the worst of the privileged corporate class. She was bitchy, a drinker, and just too 1995. The prosecutor had two strong witnesses. They had the insider lacky who had seen the light of truth and decided to turn whistleblower. They even had the close friend testifying against Martha. The defenses response: the conspiracy was "too sloppy to be true," and the jury should let martha get back to “improving the quality of life for all of us” because that "would be a good thing." Im all for standing on reasonable doubt. This should be particularly possible in a conspiracy type situation like this one where the proof of intent is everything; but they needed to spend time reminding people of what martha was about, not just declare that they were too cool to put on a defense. I almost wonder if she is just creating more grounds for appeal knowing that she was fucked from the beginning.

The third angle is the privileged nature of even convicted white collar criminals. Martha is currently walking the streets, even though she has been convicted and is facing jail time. We arent talking preconviction bail. We are talking about the fact that martha has told to show up for probation processing (not even prison) sometime this week, at her discretion. How many other convicted criminals would be allowed to simply waltz out of court? How many times do you think judges convict drug dealers and then say, well, would you mind showing up for your jail time sometime soon? I have seen this done with misdemeanors and other minor offenses, but even then I dont recall the judge allowing a week to get things in order.

The other issue is the question as to whether Martha may be removed from her corporate roles. Just think of it, martha might be allowed to continue her corporate operations from prison (as chief creative officer). Maybe she will come up with a new line of prisonwear, or some to die for shank covers.

Nike!!!!

2004-03-05T13:56:00.000-08:00

No, Im not suddently intent on sporty shoes. I am just bloody ecstatic about the fact that I am blogging from my own living area for the first time. I have previously been chained to school provided internet access, but the four month process of installing the internet in my building is finally over. I would normally go off for about three paragraphs about the radical inefficiency of the dutch workforce caused by the relative difficulty in firing people; but I am just so damned psyched that I am willing to even forget the two months of psychological torture they inflicted by putting in all the wiring and even neatly labeling the internet port, but not turning on the access. I have the internet in my house. Things can go right in the world.

(nike was the greek goddess of victory and is depicted in a really cool sculpture in case you were wondering about the title)

Here's a Tip; Look at your Food Before Eating it!

2004-03-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

In yet another instillation of the "whats in your fast food" diaries, a woman recently got a little something extra in her salad. It would be bad enough to find a portion of a human finger in your food, but this woman apparantly actually chewed on the fingertip before realizing she was not eating "gristle". While this doesnt have to photo-op potential that went along with the chicken-head mcnugget fiasco, it has to take the honors for most disgusting fast food related debacle.

From a more functional perspective, any bets on the level of damages?

"Its Anarchy!"

2004-03-04T12:07:00.000-08:00

I've always suspected that I was an anarchist, but I just got the strongest (and weakest) evidence yet. The Christian Coalition, bastion of bible thumpin wisdom that it is, has declared that allowing same sex marriage is anarchy. I always hoped that anarchy would involve less paperwork and waiting in line for government recognition, but I guess its a start.

Another pearl of wisdom from the guardians of godly goodness, "We seem to have lost the rule of law. It’s very frightening when every community decides what laws they will obey.” Wow, I guess this dude doesnt attend many local government meetings, he might have a fucking heart attack from the frightful scene of local law making. Oh, the horror!

On a more serious note, I find it appalling that the mayor of a village in New York is currently facing 18 counts of criminal charges for marrying 22 same sex couples. I guess thats what you get for imitating those freaky devil worship'n kalifornians.

The Babelfish is Coming

2004-03-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

Since moving overseas, the problem of language has consumed a fair amount of my thinking. The need to communicate between languages is obvious, but taking the time to learn new languages is a hassle that may be unncecessary. I recognize the advantage of having differing modes of thinking, but I would argue that most, if not all existing languages are sufficiently flexible in terms of adding new concepts that working in one language is not a functional disadvantage. The point of this is that learning languages may be unnecessary busywork that should be avoided if possible, much the same way that memorizing multiplication and division tables is unncecessary because of calculators.

I have thought for several years now that we have the level of voice recognition technology needed to support a mobile electronic translator, but have never seen anything along those lines, until now. Is seems the military has two mobile translation devices designed for use in the middle east. Its a far cry from a universal translator, but it is a start. Now we just need to have them in more languages, and deal with the issue of complex grammer and contextual meaning. Think about it, no more problems hitting on women in foreign countries, no more problems ordering in strange restaurants, it will be glorious.

As if we needed it, this is further proof that outside of computer tech and drug research, all the cutting advanced scientific research is being done for the military. Welcome to the Bush plan for the future, it will be a brave new world.

Newspeak lesson for the day: refugee=hostile, tank=liberation

2004-02-27T06:44:00.000-08:00

Well, I thought that I had I had seen it all. Two countries invaded. American civil liberties destroyed. International law set back a half century. But then I read that Bush is beginning to reverse the gradual process of loosening the sanctions on Cuba that had gone on throughout the Clinton Presidency. This in itself wouldnt be such a horrible thing. As much as the sanctions are a twisted attempt to force change in one person by causing suffering in thousands of others, Castro does use them to consolidate his own power. No, what makes this most recent move by Bush so disgusting is that he is justifying his restriction with the "threat" of Cuba loosening restrictions on migration from the island. So Castro "threatens" to allow his people the freedom to leave the country, and our response to this is to cut off a source of income that would cause the people to not need to leave the island. Classic.

The kicker is the rhetorical gem of a justification coming from Bush. Apparently he had previously declared "any political moves that resulted in a mass migration would be viewed as a hostile act". So in Bush's bizarro reality allowing unarmed civilians to leave a nation caught in a strangle hold is a "hostile act", but killing thousands with tanks and bombs while taking over nation is an "act of liberation." I just wish I could get the shit that he's smoking.

UPDATE: In a final stroke of tragically ironic genius, Bush has decided to lift travel restrictions on Libya. So we cant go to Cuba, but we can go to Libya. Woohoo!

Three cheers for St Hilarius!

2004-02-27T06:23:00.000-08:00

This story has nothing to do with world changing events. There isnt a hint of prosecutorial misconduct involved. It really isnt even all that funny for involving someone named hilarious. Even so, I found it intriguing in an odd sort of way. The idea of conveniently shifting our measure of time every fourth february seems to illustrate the pragmatic absurdity that is the human condition. Plus, it would be kind of interesting to turn 18 when all the "normal" people are turning 72 (but inconvenient from the drinking perspective). Either way, "Three cheers for St Hilarius, and three beers for Robert Hughes!"

Science Proves Bible Full Of Shit -or- They've got the GOODS

2004-02-25T13:52:00.000-08:00

To be perfectly fair, all the scientists have proven is that they are 50% more sure that the universe isnt going to end for another 30 billion years or so. Its entirely possible the rapture could transport us all to glory well before then, but thats for jebus to decide.

While an increase of 50% in our level of certainty about things that we had a 0% degree of certainty about before doesnt sound like such a great thing, think again. Scientists are struggling to discover the nature of the dark energy before it destroys the universe. Thats some pretty heavy shit in my book. But before we call in the superfriends, I should probably mention that this so called "dark energy" is just dark because we cant see it. Its not anything like the dark forces aligned against the US in the axis of evil. Or maybe it is....

Aside from the scientific angle, I've got to give the scientists working on this project the award in the category of coolest acronym for a dorky research project. The Great Observatories Origins Deep Survey team really does have the G.O.O.D.S.

The V-Ships are Coming

2004-02-25T13:28:00.000-08:00

Our good friends down at the Air Force Space Battlelab have decided that our current satellite advantage is just not enough. They are now developing "near-space" vehicles that will serve as communicaitons and sensing bases with a rapid launch capacity. These "V-ships" are basically super-high altitude airships (they operate under 100km altitude, and thus are in airspace rather than outer space) with a specialized payload. But am I the only one that gets the willies when the military starts talking about V and space in the same sentence? I have to wonder whether the operators will pull thier faces off in order to consume small furry creatures.

On the other hand, these do look like a good option for boosting commercial bandwidth to niche markets, if only the commercial sector could access the data. Of course, Ive always wondered why we dont have communications transponders on commercial airlines. I'm not sure whether the stress from vibrations would degrade the equipment to an extent that it would be cheaper to pay more to put it in a more isolated position, such as space or upper atmosphere. But the accessibility in terms of servicing equipment and efficiencies in terms of payload utilization of aircraft makes it seem like a good idea to check out.

And the world may never be the same...

2004-02-22T11:14:00.000-08:00

Just want to send some positive vibes out to lewis ranja as he attempts to at least make it inside to take the California Bar.

Good luck and kick ass.

Whoa man, look at all the colors!

2004-02-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

No, you arent hallucinating, there are actual template changes (albeit minor ones). Let me know it the color clashing gives you a seizure or anything.

To military science; the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems. -or- Who ever said Bush didnt do anything for science?

2004-02-20T11:34:00.000-08:00

While civilian science may be languishing from lack of adequate support for programs that might actually let useful information out to the public, the military has been busy making sure our soldiers can really 'be all they can be'.

For instance, when's the last time you asked yourself: Self. Why cant I fight for days without food or sleep? -or- Why cant I take a pill that lets my cells consume themselves for extra food? And most importantly of all- Why is it that i cant pull a trigger using a prosthetic robotic appendage?

Well our friends down at the DARPA research labs have got you covered. Thank them next time you get your arm shot off, but can later surf the internet through your passive mental code reader/electronic device interphase.

How could metabolic dominance be a bad thing?

(The sad thing about all of this is that most of the DARPA projects involve basic science that really could help a lot of people. It is just that it is being used to create efficient horror [or national security, its really all the same thing]).

Just so we're clear, if they get paid its exploitation, but if they give it away then its altruism?

2004-02-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

As an unabashed proponent of stem cell research and genetic modification in general, I am quite biased. But this crazy woman is going around saying that it is exploitation to sell eggs for $50,000 to $100,00 in the US, but that it is actually praiseworthy for women in korea to give their eggs away. Is she crazy?

Scientists' Grasp of the Obvious Astounding

2004-02-17T05:25:00.000-08:00

Heres some clippings worth of nomination for most advanced scientific contribution in the area of the self explanatory (otherwise known as the "no shit, sherlock" award)

Spirit breaks own distance record on Mars "After taking pictures for several hours, Spirit moved 19 meters (62 feet, four inches) toward a crater dubbed Bonneville. It paused for a moment, and then carried on for another 8.5 meters (27 feet, nine inches), NASA said in a statement from its Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California."

(wow, is anyone taking bets on it beating its record again tomorrow?)

In a statement in a different article regarding exploration of oceans on other planets, one scientist was struck with the brilliant insight, "Titan is a completely new world to us." I wonder if anyone should tell him about the many other celestial bodies we havent visited yet. Probably not, he might have a heart attack.

Talk about a Bad Location

2004-02-17T05:04:00.000-08:00

Its gotta be slightly disconcerting to live anywhere where the ocean occasionally rises up and reclaims your entire country. However, this is exactly the reality experienced by citizens of Tuvalo, a small pacific nation. Personally, I would think about relocating if I lived anywhere someone could reasonably say, "We are not quite sure what will happen but we expect most of the areas will be flooded by the sea for an hour or so." On the bright side, the person commenting, "did not expect the flooding to be as bad as in 2001 when most of the island disappeared." It is important to note that they arent discussing an oncoming storm, or a tidal wave caused by an undersea earthquake. No, this nation consuming flood is caused by the awsome destructive force of nature known as, the tides.

And I thought the Netherlands was going to be the first country lost to global warming. Live and learn.

So you want to be a President?

2004-02-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to think that I can just post all the stuff I get in my email, that way I wont have to think at all. Yay!

Just in case you're wondering what qualifies one to be president, check this out.

RESUME
George W. Bush
The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days.

My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.

I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.

By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.

I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for least number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

(So was I the only person who kept thinking there was entirely too much use of the first person in this resume for it to be effective? Yes, I have been in the job market for way too long.)

The Seventh Sign--or--Wheres the Beef?

2004-02-15T10:48:00.000-08:00

A freind of mine sent me this recently and I felt that betraying his trust in the privacy of the email system would be much easier than actually thinking of something to write about. Plus I found it to be an amusing anecdote signallying the inevitable and logical decline of carnivorism in America. So here goes:

"I think I am finally off of beef forever.

Until last Friday, I hadn't had any beef until New Year's Eve. On that
night, I went to a burrito place to get another free burrito (I've been
gettings lots of them since pulling two dozen free burrito coupons out of
the trash). I had always gotten the chicken or the vegetarian burritos, but
this time something spoke out to me. I ordered the burrito with the shredded
spiced beef, and as soon as I uttered my order - I was doomed.

Several hours later, I'm at Mandalay Bay, where I am enjoying a Flogging
Molly concert. I wasn't even drinking and I was still having a great time -
it was that good of a concert. Suddenly, I began to feel sick. Was it the
claustrophobia, the cigarette smoke? I wasn't sure. I stumbled away, feeling
worse with each step, until I was able to sneak up into the expensive chair
seats. I felt a lot better when I was sitting down, but I still knew
something was wrong. During the walk home, I just kept hoping that it would
go away after a night's rest.

It didn't.

I had fucking food poisoning. I spent the 48 hours in bed, where I would
alternately sleep and stare at the ceiling while having mild auditory
hallucinations. I couldn't eat anything and I didn't even have a damn
television to keep me distracted. I could only focus on how miserable I
felt. I feel better now, but I'm still far from being in top form. The idea
of eating beef ever again is nauseating. I think I may be off the shit
forever.

Some dead cow is really enjoying himself right now. The bastard."

Turnabouts a bitch, aint it?

Good luck with the escape from red meat. I know I needed a similar shock to get me to quit smoking cigarrettes. Theres something abour being presented with direct evidence that your behavior is killing you that really stimulates change.

Rumsfeld Identifies Al-gebra Threat

2004-02-10T04:55:00.000-08:00

A classmate was kind enought to forward me this:

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every ountry." "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

So my I heard from my professor, who heard from this judge…

2004-02-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

…that 20 years ago the US government used military/intelligence satellite imagery to aid in the prosecution of a sniper. The interesting part is what the imagery was doing. Reading his license plate number from space. What this means is that the military/intelligence community would have had about three-inch resolution in 1984(ish). Think about what they can do by now. You are being watched. Closely.

Tomorrow, on your walk to your car, wave at the nice man who might be monitoring your sector for the homeland security department. They are doing you a great service and deserve love too.

But don’t worry, its under control.

I’ll keep you informed if I find some corroboration for this story in re the court case. In re the basic premise, it seems that 5 years ago the military was allowing it to be known that it had 10 centimeter resolution. Since the military is pretty serious about not leaking information on its current capabilities, it stands to reason that in 1999 the resolution was much better than 10 centimeters. To put this in perspective, the best currently available commercial resolution is 50 centimeters (you can buy pictures that can read a clearly printed protest sign from space).

As a sidenote, the US government prohibits the sale of imagery of greater resolution than one meter in the interests of national security (but they have loosened this recently as long as there is a time delay between taking the picture and releasing the data). I for one am in favor of this. Somebodys gotta have some privacy, it might as well be the nice people who are monitoring the rest of us.

Sperling Syncronicity

2004-02-06T12:02:00.000-08:00

John Sperling is a little too corporate and profit centered to make it onto the Patron Saints list (I might have to start a list of badasses who fight for good within the system), but he is worth checking out regardless. He started from nothing and now is a billionaire, is willing to use his resources for a cause most people would consider farfetched (immortality, or at least extended life), and to top it all off, he is pro marijuana legalization and more than willing to take on the Bush administration to get what he wants.

But what I find trully eerie about this guy is the relationship between his goal and his name. As some of you may know, Robert Heinlien wrote several stories dealing with the issue of life extension in his future history. In Heinlein's version of events, a super rich individual leaves all his money to a foundation devoted to life extension (they use eugenics rather than biotech to accomplish it, but the stories were written in the 40s and 50s so this can be forgiven). The first such story was "Methuselah's Children", which was published in 1941. The first line of the story: "MARY SPERLING, you're a fool not to marry him!" (emphasis in the original). Now look back at the first line of this post. I always knew Heinlein was a visionary and a genius (he did come up with the idea of inside straight solidarity after all), but this is ridiculous.

Weird Science: Mouse Cultured Monkey Sperm

2004-02-05T09:42:00.000-08:00

What do you get for the mad scientist that has everything? What is the next step in genetic modification after animals with multiple asses? Science has finally given us the answer; rodent cum carriers!

The upsideside to this is that this process could be useful in preventing species extinction (the use of mice is critical here as the plan is to continue along the path of the carbon based economy and then once the only animals left are the rodents in our houses, we'll use them to produce sperm from other animals). The process could also be used in association with the manipulation of sperm to produce genetically altered humans (Ranja's grandkids might get wings at least).

On the other hand, I have serious problems supporting anything that involves testis transplants.

Its a shame he had to whore himself out to Bush, Powell would have made one hell of a President

2004-02-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

I'm glad at least Powell has the guts to admit that the Iraq invasion wasnt policially justified (kinda). While he is obviously having to temper his comments to please his handlers (read Dickie C.), Powell did at least admit when "asked if he would have recommended an invasion if he had known Iraq had no banned weapons,..."I don't know, because it was the stockpile that presented the final little piece that made it more of a real and present danger and threat to the region and to the world." He added that "absence of a stockpile changes the political calculus; it changes the answer you get." Sure he then goes on to justify the occupation because it turned out to be a good thing for many Iraqi citizens (other than the thousands who have died since the invasion), but if he didnt do this he would be shot and replaced with the same cyborg technology that kept up the "Strom Thurman" farce for so long. My point is that at least he is honest enough to deviate from the party line long enough to be somewhat critical. Sure this ends up helping the administration by making it look like somewhat with moral compunctions is advising the president, when actually Powell is just acting as his errand-boy and political spinner, but that is what happens when a good man makes a deal with the devil.

On a related issue: I'm not sure what it says about me that the only two candidates I have actually been excited about are both ex-generals, but both Clarke and Powell seem to demonstrate a knowledge of foreign affairs that carreer politicians just dont have access to. It seems like political leaders have to experience the military before they can avoid the seductive lure of using military death toys for domestic political purposes.

Iraq war.... What Iraq war?

2004-02-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

In one of their most slippery moves yet, the Bush brigade has managed to propose a new defense budget that once again brings military spending to all time high levels (makes you proud to be an American). The real kicker is that according to this story, the record setting defense budget doesn't even include any money earmarked for Iraq or Afghanistan. This is political maneuvering at its most sublime (or maybe ridiculous); Bush gets to come out looking strong on defense, while also giving defense spending numbers that dont appear as massive as they should. On top of all this, Bush gets to leave a nice treat for whatever Democrat is in the White House next year (OK. I'm being radically optimistic, but I figure if its good enough for Kop then its good enough for me; plus it cant help our chances to presume Bush will win).

On a related topic, it is somewhat chilling to think that the Pentagon can fund the occupation of two states "from cash flow." What, do they keep a world domination petty cash jar?

"Houston, We Have a Superbowl"

2004-02-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

I for one got a kick out of the fusion of NASA and the NFL that was the superbowl last night. I think this is exactly the way that NASA needs to go in producing a groundswell of support for the space program. One of the reasons the the Apollo program was able to get off the ground was that it captured the imagination fo the nation, all of it, not just the geeky space types. I did have to temper my enthusiasm for the current approach as a result of the tacky man on the artificial moon production that accompanied the Columbia tribute, but I dont think it was so lame as to totally do away with the benefit of mixing space with sport. I also have to question putting the Columbia tribute on the superbowl at all (I myself cried when I saw the Columbia go down, so it is not from a lack of respect for the fallen). I would argue that the best tribute to the fallen would be a successful space program, and the best way to do that is to gain public support. This is not accomplished by sappy songs that just make people wait for kick-off. This is accomplished by showing cool NASA tech at football games, so NASA keep it up.

Too Busy Debunking Kop to Blog

2004-02-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

If you want to see what Ive been wasting my time on check out the debate on "when the world is progressing this fast" over at Kop's Blog.

Its Official, Life Stranger than Fiction -or- Mmmm... Fried Penis

2004-01-30T11:40:00.000-08:00

We here at Inside Straight Solidarity take great pleasure in documenting the most uncommon events in everyday life, but even we were a little taken aback at this story.

A man was conviced for cannibalism in germany today. Cannibalism you say, that isnt so strange, a little long pig never hurt nobody. Well I agree, cannabalism is a long maligned lifestyle choice that has the potential to both save real estate (goodbye graveyards) and alleviate hunger. But the cannibalism angle is just where this story gets started.

Seems the chef met his main course on the internet, where he was openly seeking someone to eat (not eat with, just eat). The internet being the mecca for sane and well adjusted people that it is, the chef recieved a full response (estimated 200). Course, most of these people were just looking to fantisize about being eaten while having sex (most people are satisfied by being eaten out, but maybe being eaten is fun too), but there were a few who were interested enough in making sexual/culinary history that they actually went to meat the man. One of these actually went so far as to be laid out on a bed and "marked for butchering." To the chef's credit, he did let that tasty treat go when the food indicated that it needed more time on the free range before it would be fit for eating. It wasnt untill one man-meal actually had the dedication to keep quiet when being "butchered" that the piece de resistance could be served up. The cops were justifyably somewhat put off at the idea of human butchering, and so the chef was arrested. What makes this story so classic is that the german court found him guilty, but not of murder. The german court found him guilty of manslaughter based on the justification that "Meiwes had had no "base motives"", and because "Meiwes had not... committed a murder in the legal sense "but a behaviour which is condemned in our society - namely the killing and butchering of a human being"".

I cant help feeling sympathy for the chef. He may be radically abnormal, and he has obviously got some issues do deal with, but he acted with respect for free will. Cannabal sex isnt something I'm into, but I believe that the right to die is fundamental to the idea of free will (we cant control much in this life, but at least we can control when we want to leave it) and here there is no doubt that the meal consented to being killed and eaten. How are you so sure you ask? Well, it seems from this story that the meal was so devoted to the idea of being killed and eaten that he first allowed the chef to CUT OFF HIS PENIS, watched while the chef flambeed it, then shared his penis with the chef.

On a related issue, you gotta hand it to the defense counsel for having the balls to argue that "if his client was put away for life, the true horror of murder will be belittled." Furthermore, the legal genius Harald Ermel said that murder "always happens against somebody's will".

Finally, for those who might be intrugued by the idea of internet sex cannibalism, "Mr Ermel advised those planning similar forays into the world of cannibalism to ensure both parties draw up a contract before the act takes place."

Debunking the myth of European Public Transit

2004-01-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

As my only reader already knows, I am currently residing on the wrong side of the pond. The thing is that many people think that Europeans dont drive because they dont need to. They have a fantastic public transportation system, right? Well, sort of. The reality is that many in Europe dont drive because they cant afford to. And no, I'm not praising the US dominate the middle east to ensure cheap oil policy. Gas prices are high here compared to in the states, but with fuel efficient cars being the norm, you get about the same mileage to the gallon as you would in the US.

What is keeping most Europeans from driving is the huge expense associated with getting a license to begin with. In order to even qualify to take the driving test you have to take classes that cost well over 500 euros. After you have taken the classes, you then have to pay another 500 euros to take the test itself. But it doesnt end there, because it is pretty much normal to be failed the first time you take the test regardless of your performance so that you will have to pay the test fee at least twice(those goverment agencies have gotta make money somehow--course they could make it off taxes from auto sales, but dont bother telling them that). So you end up paying almost as much to get your license as you would to get a used car (unless you find a way to fly over to the US and get your license here). Does this help the environment, yes. Does this encourage conformity and passive dependence on government, sure. Could we have the best of both worlds by simply switching to smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles in the states (eventually hydrogen powered), absolutely.

Dog Finds Secret of Life while sniffing for Sewage. Really, I'm Serious.

2004-01-29T14:46:00.000-08:00

Here is yet another reason why dogs might be considered by some to be mans best friend (not me though, I'm a cat person).

We All Know Testing is a Waste of Money Anyway

2004-01-26T13:47:00.000-08:00

I'm sure glad that our fearless leader is convinced that national missile defense will do something other than cost billions, cause it seems the people who are building it dont seem so sure. Personally, I'm going to trust the people who recognize that two tests might not be enough for a system designed to shoot down long range missles (you know, the ones that are most likely to be carrying really fun WMD type warheads).

NASA scientists unwittingly confess to having most boring lives ever

2004-01-26T09:07:00.000-08:00

I must preface this by saying that I am 110% in favor of space science, exploration, and most of all development. Furthermore, as you may have noticed, the style of writing employed here does demonstrate an affinity for adjectival abundance. That being said, this statement by a NASA scientist describing the first pictures from the newest Mars rover left me both shocked and appalled. If this man is sincere in even half of his claims..., ahh screw it, here's a few of the quotes.

"NASA scientists said they hit a "scientific jackpot""
(I wonder how many lapdances you can buy with that?)

"I am flabbergasted, I'm astonished, I'm blown away,"
(read: I'm easily impressed)

"Opportunity has touched down in a bizarre, alien landscape."
(Really, on Mars? No fuckin way!)

"This is the first rock outcrop ever found on Mars,"
(read: I'm really easily impressed)

"It was exactly what it was in my wildest dream,"
(really? My wildest dreams always involve lots of sex. To each his own I guess)

"We could spend most of the mission just in this little crater,"
(read: Have I mentioned how easily impressed I am?)

That being said, Congratulations to everyone down at NASA. They really are doing important work. If any activity epitomizes the values that we here at Inside Straight Solidarity hold dear, its the struggle to escape this gravity well and spread throughout the stars.

Blaire Defends his Intelligence, Ignores Reality

2004-01-25T10:41:00.000-08:00

This shows the difference in political spin approach between the B&B Music Factory members. Bush says dont blame me, we all believed there were WMD's in Iraq, and quick, look over there, Lybia is disarming, were credible, yeah!. Blaire just keeps on chugging ahead like the little engine that could (ignore reality that is) and arguing that thier "intelligence" was correct.

"Blair made the comments shortly before U.S. official David Kay quit his job as head of the Iraq Survey Group (ISG), the body tasked with locating Saddam's alleged WMD.

(snip)

"I can only tell you I believed the intelligence we had at the time. It is absurd to say in respect of any intelligence that it is infallible, but if you ask me what I believe, I believe the intelligence was correct, and I think in the end we will have an explanation.

"I have absolutely no doubt at all in my mind that the intelligence was genuine."

Different Countries, different political tolerance levels. Things that make you go hmmmmm....

Cheney Flees to Rome to Escape WMD Truth

2004-01-25T10:06:00.000-08:00

Well, Im glad that someone has time to take vacations to Rome. I wonder if Dickie C. is trying to make up with his daughter for his about face on the acceptability of being gay (might not go over so well with her being a lesbian and all).

Course the really interesting part of the story is at the bottom:
"The vice president stopped briefly for photographers as he was greeted at the museum entrance, but headed inside when a reporter asked if he had any reaction to Secretary of State Colin Powell's weekend statement that it was an "open question" whether Iraq had banned weapons of mass destruction before the US-led invasion. (Full story)

"Nice to see you all," Cheney said as he headed into the museum, the first stop on a day of sightseeing.

Powell was reacting to comments from David Kay, the U.S. point man for the weapons search in Iraq, who is stepping down and who said in an weekend interview that he now does not believe Iraq was actively producing weapons of mass destruction in the 1990s, as alleged by the Bush administration in making its case for war.

U.S. officials say it is possible their intelligence was inaccurate, but they also stress that it was the consensus view of several Western nations that Iraq had such weapons, and that when President Bush made his decision to go to war he was acting on the best available intelligence at the time and reports in which the CIA said it had "high confidence" in its findings that Saddam Hussein did have banned weapons."

Truth by consensus creating death on command, you gotta love the sheer insanity of it.

ISSI has its first Patron Saint! Stephen Gough, we salute you! - or - Those wacky Scottish, wont they ever learn?

2004-01-23T12:37:00.000-08:00

Stephen Gough, 44, from Hampshire, finished his walk after seven months, much of which was spent in jail.
(major snip)
He said he was planning to stay the night in John O'Groats before putting his clothes back on and heading south.

Ive given you the beginning and the end, you can check out the middle for yourself.

On another slightly related topic: The transition of the BBC from serious news source to a real world onion was so gradual that I almost didnt notice it.

Fishing, the most deadly game! - or - Those wacky Russians, wont they ever learn?

2004-01-23T12:24:00.000-08:00

I had every intention of abandoning the "those wacky ___" format in my titles forever until I discovered this. You gotta wonder at how a persons life could be so boring that they would be willing to risk it for the heart pounding rush of ... Ice Fishing!

You gotta love the lemming logic shown by these people. "Everyone drives out here, so we do the same," says one extreme fisherman. This is the sort of argument that you dont bother arguing with, its advocate will soon be dead anyway.

Yet another corporate scandal witness "suicide" - or - Those wacky Italians, wont they ever learn?

2004-01-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

From my vantage point way over here in the old country (which it really should be known as for many reasons, but Ill deal with that in another post) the major corporate scandal is Parmalat. Dont know what kind of coverage it is getting in the states, but here it is almost as big as Enron (and yes I do mean over here, the European fatalistic perception of being controlled by swings in the US economy is trully amazing). I find Parmalat to be a good example of the differences in corporate practices in the US vs. Europe. In the US executives steal through radically optimistic, and occasionally downright fraudulent accounting statements and by selling out their shareholders in times of distress. On the other hand, European executives just steal the cash and hide it somewhere. There are certainly similarities in that both involved accounting fraud, the sheer gumption/stupidity of the Parmalat theft is just in a different class from the Enron accounting fudges.

On a somewhat different issue; there are just so many reasons to love the Camen Islands. Any tropical island which could plausibly be holding 4 BILLION dollars with only a single piece of paper to document it is my kind of place.

On a related issue, It sure must be interesting to be so rich that people will lend you God awful amounts of money based only on a single piece of paper indicating that you have 4 Billion in the bank. I have to have two forms of ID to cash a fucking check but this dude floats on a 4 billion dollar photocopy.

Of course this is what inside straight solidarity is all about, improbable events happen every day. Our job is to laugh at them.

So a dermatologist, a businessman and a lawyer walk into a cult meeting... -or- Those wacky Satanists, wont they ever learn?

2004-01-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

Its good to know that the BBC is on top of the cult killings scene.

Mars Fake, Bigfoot Real, Humans Gullible

2004-01-20T07:58:00.000-08:00

Dont ask me why I was doing a search on google for "mars and bigfoot", but I was, and this rhetorical gem is what I turned up. It makes an interesting point in re our dependence on experts, but it would help if the author didnt appear to be one step away from joining the Flat Earth Society.

Lazy Blogger Actually Posts, Imaginary Readers Amazed

2004-01-20T07:13:00.000-08:00

In an act that was heralded by imaginary readers everywhere as a milestone in the history of Blogging, O.K. Ravenhurst actually posted words to his blog early this afternoon. The importance of this event is hard to understate, but pseudo-tangible experts have been working for a significant number of seconds trying to decide how to link this event to the upcoming New Hampshire primaries. Among the reports that have not reached our desk are several linking this recent surge in blog related activity to a great sorrow over Dickie G. pulling out of the race. Other, less delusional, reports cite an excess of free time. More disinformation will be provided as it becomes available.

2004-01-12T12:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!